Preparing for Sharing

Remember, how you start the conversation may vary from family member to family member.

Who is this form for?
(filling this in is not required, but doing so will update the form to include this name rather than [family member])

Hello, [family member] do not worry, everything is okay here. I called because I wanted to share some information with you today. It will take me about 15 to 20 minutes (adjust this as you see fit). Do you have time now or would there be a better time to call you?

Hello, [family member] I wanted to let you know we are doing great and I have some exciting news I wanted to share with you. It should only take 15 to 20 minutes (adjust time as you see fit) depending on how many questions you have. Do you have time now or would there be a better time to call?

Hello, [family member] I am not calling because something is wrong. I just wanted to share some information with you that may be challenging for you to hear. Would now be an ok time to talk or would you prefer to call me later?

I have my own words, thank you.

What is the nature of the news? Checking this box will open an area to enter your thoughts on the nature of the news.

Is this a new gender identity or sexual orientation? Checking this box will open an area to enter your notes on gender identity and/or sexual orientation.

Have pronouns changed? Checking this box will open an area to enter your notes on pronouns.

Checking this box will open an area to enter your notes on sharing the news.

Pause once you have said your planned introduction and the news you are sharing. Wait for your family to respond and then follow up by asking if they have any further questions you can answer or feelings they would like to share.

Allowing you to be the primary source of information for other family members. Reassure them you will keep them informed of who else in the family knows as you tell others.

Remind them this child is the same person they have always known they are simply engaging with the world in a different and more authentic way.

Dead naming will not be tolerated, however, we all make mistakes. If you misgender or accidentally use a deadname simply apologize without making a huge deal and move on.

My child wants the same thing we all want — to be loved, to love, and to be accepted.

I understand that this might be hard for you to process, but I cannot be your support for your grief. I need to manage my own grief and be the support system for my child to help them with their grief and anxiety.

Certain photographs might need to come down when we visit and be replaced with ones my child is comfortable with.

My expectations for the next family get together. Checking this box will open an area to enter your expectations for the next family get together.

Other expectations. Checking this box will open an area to enter your other expectations.

What final thought do you want to leave with your family?

Remind them how you feel about them.

Thank them for listening.

Reiterate you are available to answer any questions they may have.

Other thoughts? Checking this box will open an area to enter your own conversation ending.

Then say good-bye and hang up.

Now that the conversation is over, remember to take time for self care. It might be tempting to skip this part but it is a vital part of this process. Plan your self care now but be flexible. You may realize you need something else after you hang up the phone - trust yourself and do that. However, in preparation for the call, have a plan for after the call.

Here is my self care plan: